Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
