she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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