Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
