You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
