On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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