The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
