You just made me feel so damn special
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize