There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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