So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She's the barista slut.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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