If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
