At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
