hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
