I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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