Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
