where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
