he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
