I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
