I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
