Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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