If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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