also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
