The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
