I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
