In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
