literally had 100 drinks last night.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
