There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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