Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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