I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
