New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize