escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
