If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
