90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
