he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
