Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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