Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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