Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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