I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
