Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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