I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
North Korea, Best Korea!
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I am available for nakedness
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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