I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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