Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
