My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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