I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
