I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
