So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
