i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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