So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
