i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
