Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
