He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
