She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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