worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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