Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
