I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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