That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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