I'm gonna have a badass scar
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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