Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
handjob tips. give me some.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
