You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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