She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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