In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
