so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
