so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
