lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
