I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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