Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
