i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Thank you for not boning my boss.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
50% drunk capacity currently
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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