I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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