Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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