My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
