yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
